Women are the Other and objects for men to gaze upon. They are the pretty servants to their husbands and loving caretakers to their children. They are happy in this position and really need nothing more because nothing is wrong with this. This is the overall theme in Simone de Beauvoir’s Introduction in her book The Second Sex and Betty Friedan’s chapter The Problem that has no Name in her book the Feminine Mystique. I admit I have been the Other in a few relationships and I have not liked it. In my current relationship I recall a time when the roles were actually reversed and he was the Other. My boyfriend, Bob, was going back to school to earn his teaching degree while simultaneously finishing his Master’s degree so I was working full time, similar to the “PHT” discussed by Friedan. In a conversation one night I half-joked I was the breadwinner of the family. He didn’t like this response and a short argument followed that ended in my being asked never to use that term again. I agreed as long as it was mutual. My partner’s masculinity was threatened. He grew up learning the role of a man from his parents who came from a generation of Leave it to Beaver and I Love Lucy ideologies. So this word, breadwinner, evoked a sense of insecurity, threat and submissiveness. He was the Other. I relished the position. I had power, I had my individuality, and I was important and dominant. I was the subject. In the end we were both guilty of sexism. We have been so conditioned to play the roles society has taught us to play that when the roles were reversed it was uncomfortable for him and empowering for me. I was guilty of thinking like a man, or at least the way society teaches men to think about women. I clearly see now how empowering this is for men, to treat women as objects, to take care of them and dominate them because it gives them a feeling of self-worth and it meets society’s expectations. I encouraged this cultural expectation by being proud to assume the role of the dominant one. From that moment on we continue to be very vigilant by not positioning ourselves as subject/object or I/Other.
I have read Friedan’s The Problem that has No Name before and it was during that reading that I was introduced to the fact that once upon a time women had lost themselves and society had blatantly led them down that path. I was startled by this phenomenon. Until the post-war era, women had a place in society that was more than just the kept wife. They contributed to the household income, they were part of organizations and clubs and they had their autonomy. They had a purpose and it wasn’t just tending to the home using the latest modern gadgets. But after the war women were forced into a life that everyone else thought would be better for them because it was better for men. Did anyone ask women if they wanted to be shuffled out of the workforce and into suburban life? What struck me the first time I read this and again during this past reading, was that the dominant society of male influence refused to acknowledge that it was their actions that resulted in women feeling purposeless. Instead of dealing with the problem they chose to make excuses for it casting the blame onto women making them seem ungrateful to massage their guilt. No wonder my grandmother was so supportive of me having an education and working around the world. To her I had purpose, I had drive; I was a human being doing what human beings do best, living their life on their own terms.
It goes without saying that this material will inform my own research because it gives me a good foundation on which to build upon. It helps me put into context the issues women were facing regarding feminism, gender roles and women in the workforce in a time before I existed. And it allows me to have a more informed approach to the issues women still face today.